


Welcome to Karakura

by Mister_Fox



Category: Bleach, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:35:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24237400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mister_Fox/pseuds/Mister_Fox
Summary: A normal desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is always full, and mysterious things howl in the night while we all pretend to sleep.Good evening, and welcome to Karakura Town! Tonight’s host is me, Kurosaki Ichigo.UraIchi Week 2020 - Day 1, Crossover
Relationships: Kurosaki Ichigo/Urahara Kisuke, Urahara Kisuke/Kurotsuchi Mayuri/Kurosaki Ichigo
Comments: 16
Kudos: 51
Collections: UraIchi Week 2020





	Welcome to Karakura

A normal desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is always full, and mysterious things howl in the night while we all pretend to sleep.

Good evening, and welcome to Karakura Town! Tonight’s host is me, Kurosaki Ichigo.

Today, the town council announced a double opening of new locations in town.

First, a new cemetery has been opened in the recently cleared Shiba ward, which all buildings have recently disappeared from. This is in light of the casualties from the last cherry blossom festival, as our old cemetery is completely full. So I think that’s pretty good of the town council to actually give us something useful, for once.

Second, a new dog park has been opened right next to the cemetery. The council says that you may see strange misshapen animals wandering around in the dog park, led around by the mysterious figures in black cloaks wearing bone white masks, which frequent the streets of our quiet little town, and who come from somewhere out in the desert. Do not pay attention to them.

The council says that you should avoid the shadows of the tall, leafless trees of the dog park. You are not allowed in the dog park. Your dogs are not allowed in the dog park. (You should probably not even be an owner of a dog, actually, unless you’re licensed in dealing with dangerous exotic animals! Please, please, _don’t get dogs._ ) Other, _safer_ , pets are _also_ not allowed in the dog park. You should not speak of the dog park. You should not think of the dog park.

The dog park will not harm you.

In other news, first year university student Inoue Orihime says the ghosts have revealed themselves to her. She just texted me. She says they look just like people, says they’re normal. Says they helped her out. Says one of them is her brother.

A new woman arrived in town this morning. Who is she? What does she want? Why does she carry a sword? Why is she walking around my house? No, seriously, why is she walking around my house? I don’t think she needs to go into Dad’s clinic.

Hopefully, I will get answers to those questions soon. I don’t want her messing with my sisters, whoever she is.

One of our local scientists, Kurotsuchi-san, has written a letter to be included in the next publication of Karakura Morning News. Kurotsuchi-san, with his golden eyes like a stolen binary star system and hair like a waterfall, moved into town a year ago with his lab partner, Urahara-san. As we all hate and love and despair over Urahara-san’s hair, he has recently and most unfortunately taken to keeping it hidden under a striped hat, which seems to respawn despite the continuous attempts by the town to destroy it. Which is very much a shame.

Orihime-san’s brought over some ramen with takoyaki and sweet soy sauce glaze, the newest dish from Orihime’s Ramen Shop.

No one does ramen like Orihime-san. _No one_.

It’s an interesting dish, as usual. She said she wanted to add some matcha to the ramen broth, but apparently she used it all up making tea for the ghosts, and hadn’t had time to restock. She says I shouldn’t eat too much before my evening date.

Wait, what evening date?

Oh, okay, I get it.

People listening to the show, the scientists have dropped a copy of the letter off to be read on the radio.

I guess I could read out the contents of the actual letter first. It says something about... how we, as the most fascinating town in Japan - whatever that is - have, according to seismographs, been recently experiencing a great number of what should be category five earthquakes. While we can see no evidence of them, and they have not interrupted our daily lives, we could probably file for some government aid or for insurance claims, even though there have. Uh, would that count as a scam? I’m not sure. I guess, if science says we’re having earthquakes, then we’re having earthquakes? I trust science. I trust _our_ scientists’ science.

The letter goes on for several more pages, talking about-

You know what, everyone will be able to read the full letter in tomorrow’s edition of Karakura Morning News, which we are all mandated to read by the government on pain of re-education, so I think I’ll just read the back of the letter, which Orihime-san had pointed out to me.

Uh-uh.

Okay.

Oh!

Alright.

Kurotsuchi-san, Urahara-san, if you’re listening to the radio- I’ll be there at seven! I can wrap up today’s broadcast a little early. I don’t think station management will care if I go home early one day.

Reminder to all the parents taking their children out to play near the dried out river. Go on a sunny day, take plenty of water, as well as perhaps some slices of fruit, and tell the children to stay away from the edge. Look out at the dry river. Look for unaccompanied children.

A quick guide to identifying unaccompanied children. If they are weaning grey uniforms, then those are students from the Karakura. They are good company for your own children.

If they are wearing old or tattered clothes, then those are the mysterious children of uncertain origin, but they are also safe, although they may steal your food. These children are not translucent. Remind your children that people can not be transparent.

If they are wearing white clothes, then those are not children. Run. _Run_. Hide in your homes with your children, if you are fast enough. If you are not, then you must choose. If you are unwilling to risk your children, do not run. Tell your children to run ahead. Tell them goodbye. Tell them to wait for one of strange, black-clothed agents from a vague yet menacing agency to knock on their door and nod. Tell them not to ask what happened to you.

Perhaps they won’t answer.

Perhaps the answer they give is not one your children will want to have.

I did not want to have the answer they gave me.

Earlier today, some streets exploded downtown. The explosions occurred in a long trail that started at the sports area outside the school, and led to here, the radio station. There was a great deal of fog and dust, but the explosions stopped after a few moments, without returning. There is no word on the effect, if any, on the students inside the school, or whether any team _practices_ were disrupted.

Some people think it might be some students from the rival town Las Noche’s own school, who are always trying to show up our own students, with their strange perfectly white uniforms, their perfect teas, their extravagant transportation. They’re always sending in camera flies to spy on our own teams, to learn their tactics and strategies.

I guess it might be them, but honestly? I doubt it. They’d think planting explosives to be beneath them. And besides, their newest batch of flies got taken out too. I don’t think they’d waste their own equipment like that.

Urahara-san has been seen wandering around the devastation, taking measurements on strange devices no one could recognise. They were beeping with a lot of enthusiasm, witnesses say, and Urahara-san looked quite worried.

You know, I’m a little worried for him and Kurotsuchi-san these days. They’re both out and about a lot more than usual, doing science things, looking for something. Urahara-san looks kinda tired. I hope everything is okay. I haven’t really had time to catch up with either of them, too much to do for university lately.

An update on the stranger in town. The stranger has been walking around, asking questions, asking if anyone has seen a tall monster in a white bone mack. The stranger’s name is revealed to have been Kuchiki Rukia. She is dressed like one of the agents in black uniforms from the vague yet menacing government agency that we are not supposed to acknowledge. But she can’t be one of those agents, of course. The agents do not speak to us. We do not see the agents.

No one has seen a tall monster in a white bone mask, of course. We don’t have those around here.

The stranger is still walking in the area around my house.

I hope I don’t run into her today - I need to get dressed before my evening date, so I’ll be dropping by home before it. I don’t need any trouble today.

I fear for anyone caught between things they know that they are not supposed to know, and the things they are not supposed to know, that they do not yet know they need to know.

I guess I worry for the stranger.

I worry for Karakura.

I definitely worry for myself and my sisters.

I worry for our scientists, who know the most of us all, but possibly also too much.

I hope whatever happens, we will be prepared.

We received a press release this morning. The local business association is proud to announce the opening of a new bookstore. I’m not entirely sure how this is going to work, as it is illegal to own books in Karakura Town, and the only place where books may be stored is the town library, so as not to tempt librarians into leaving the building. We all know the horrors that is a horde of librarians loose on our town.

People, seriously, don’t buy books. You don’t pay me enough to hunt down librarians bothering you. You don’t pay me at all.

There’s a text message on my phone.

Urahara-san says the bookshop doesn’t actually sell books. It sells… some sort of screen things that have words on them, but they are definitely not books, and he can confirm that, as a scientist. The shop is a misnomer.

Okay then! Everyone, I suggest you all go to check out the new bookstore, which does not sell books, in order to support our newest fledgling local business.

Thanks for texting in the information, Urahara-san! I can’t wait till we go to- Oh, right, I can’t say.

A report on the traffic situation: Due to the recent ban on cars, the roads are completely empty. A perfect day for a drive, if you own any vehicle that is not a car, or has not been designated as a car. I think a bicycle would be okay, unless your bicycle has been stamped with a bright red stamp that read ‘CAR’.

The city council would like to answer some frequent questions about ghosts and the afterlife. Do they exist? No. Do you need to be worried about them? No. Is there anything we are allowed to know about the structure of the afterlife? No, and they don’t exist anyway. The city council would like to remind you that any knowledge about ghosts and the afterlife is restricted information available only on a need-to-know basis, and any ghosts that you encounter only tell lies and do not exist.

This has been a public service announcement.

Right. Time for a message from our sponsors.

Life. Think about it. Life is beautiful. Wonderful. We all like life. We all want to enjoy life. We all want to live a productive, wonderful life. We all want to be the most productive we can be, to spend all of our souls on work, for us, for our family, for our jobs.

Work is life.

This message is brought to you by Starbucks.

And that wraps up today’s evening news broadcast, Karakura town. If you need medical attention tonight, Karakura hospital will be open, but the Kurasaki family clinic will not. Take care. Sleep well. It will be a dark night tonight, with a sky void of stars and the moon and clouds, and strange screams echoing through the empty space.

Good night, listeners. Good night.

* * *

Today’s proverb: The dead are dead. The living are alive. Sometimes, the living become the dead. The reverse is not true.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are welcome and much appreciated, and help me write!
> 
> Here's a link to [Cywscross' UraIchi Discord Server](https://discordapp.com/invite/ADFnKTZ#_=_)!


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